me a leader??? who would have thought... | squirrellord's Blog

well its been an interesting day.  Last night I took off from playing the game.  I needed a break.  I just went home, relaxed, played a different game for a little while, and unwound.  my cravings were very strong again, but I dealt with it.  I watched a movie and while I was watching it, I cleaned my room.  I had started to let it get really messy again, and needed to clean it up.  it took me a few hours, as I hadnt even unpacked from when i got back home from my parents house last week, but after it was all said and done, i felt good having a very clean room.

i woke up late today.  my waking up after only 2 snoozes has lapsed back to an hour of snoozing.  I still havent slept a whole night through yet, and when I wake up, I usually smoke a cigarette and fall back asleep quickly.  I think that my increase in the amount I am smoking is to blame.  I need to cut down my cigarette consumption.

ive been quite lazy at work again.  i think the pink cloud has faded pretty much.  the lack of caffienen hasnt helped much there as well.  I mean lets face it, I should be working now, not blogging hahaha.

i found out a friend of mine (who helped me get back sober) has relapsed.  its hurtful, but now i know how I made my friends feel when I did it to them.  I almost feel hypocritical trying to give him any advice (which i havent yet because i found out secondhand and he hasnt returned my calls), because i have so little time back.

today i went to my normal lunchtime meeting, and when I did, it was 2 minutes before start time and only 6 or so people were there.  there was no chairperson, and somehow i got voulenteered to do so.  how was I to lead a group of people who probably all had more time back them I did?  well i did my best.  when you chair, the people who share usually look at you when they talk, so there is not dozing off during the meeting.  i was forced to pay attention to everyone.  its a good thing.  i needed it today.   after the meeting, a lot of people came up to me and said I did a great job.  that made me feel pretty good.   i know its not rocket science, but still..  :)

anyway tonight my sponsor is gonna pick me up around 6:45.  were gonna go to a coffee house and get something to drink and do some bookwork that is long overdue.  then were gonna go to a 8 oclock meeting.  this is a really good meeting very focused on the steps and the book.  I am looking foward to it.

the only other dilema on my mind is weather or not to buy the PS3 i keep saying I am going to treat myself to.  after alls said and done, its gonna be about 600 dollars I spend. (400 for it, 100 for a game and 60 for another game and tax.)  i really should be saving that money.  i wasted away all my savings, and have no nest egg to fall back onto.  i wish i still had all the money I spent, but the grass is always greener i suppose.  i really cant afford this now.  i really should wait a few months.  if i lost my job today, i would barely have enough tmoney to pay rent for a month or 2, so i probably shouldnt be spending 600 on a gaming system.   oh well..

have a great day everyone.  do the right thing.

-squirrel