the double edged sword is sharp on both sides | squirrellord's Blog

and man that sucks....

another lonely day.  I wound up visiting my friend at work who had to work today.  I went in and we watched "get Smart" on the big screen.  about halfway through, shit blew up at work and i got stuck working for like 3 hours. at 4 oclock he went home and so did I.  with nothing to do, i just sat around and watched heroes episodes for like 3 hours.

so i decided to go to the 8 oclock meeting.  i stopped and got tacos at qdoba and then went to the meeting.  who shows up, but the girl from thursday.. the one who i think likes me.  i tried real hard to focus on the meeting, but i found myself looking at her more then i should have.  the speaker had said how he went to meetings and got caught up with the new girls and how that hurt him, and i took that message to heart.

after the meeting i waved to her and she started talking to me.  she was hinting that she wanted to hang out, and then another guy came over with a group of people and offered for us to all go hang out.  we did.  that when i realized i am not ready for a relationship.  weird minute feelings of jealousy emerged when she was talking to other guys.  very reminicent of how i felt with las vegas girl.  i tried to ignore her as best i could.  i met a bunch of cool guys, and tha what i really need in my life right now friends.  we had fun, and eventually as the night wound down, i offered to walk her home.  we had a good talk on the way home about recovery.  i walked her to her door, and deep down wanted her to invite me in, or me to invite her back to my place, but i didnt.  i said godnight and came home.

i know im not ready for a relationship.  i got a lot of issues to work out.  i need to be happy alone before i can be happy  with someone else.  sadly i am co-dependent and am so much happier when i am in a relationship.  being alone is sad for me now.

its a double edged sword.

sharp on both sides.