alone on the holidays :( | squirrellord's Blog

lonliness..  im really feeling it today. bad.

this morning i got woken up by a friend from far away.  he told me to get up and smell the coffee, so I did. unfortunately, after the coffee, i didnt have much to do.  I woke up and went to mcdonalds for an early lunch.  after i went to starbucks and got a mocha frappaccino.  i flirted with the starbucks girls and they hooked me up.  i came home with a smile on my face, and thats the last smile i had for the rest of the day.

my uneventful day consisted of me watching 4 episodes of "that 70's show" and then 6 or so episodes of "Heroes".  Around 8 my sister called.  shes having (and has been having) issues with my dad for a long time, and they just keep getting worse.  he is a really stoubbourn man, and i really dont wanna get into it, but basically hes crazy, does messed up things, and always claims he did nothing wrong.  i did my best to comfort her, but i know shes right.  theres just no winning with him.  he holds grudges forever, and cannot move on.

a buddy from work said he was going to go with some people to the fireworks.  i told him to call me and i would meet him there, as its like 5 blocks from my house.  after i hadnt heard from him at around 9 I called him and he said they changed their minds since it was drizzling, and they were all at a bar.  he invited me, but i declined, as a bar would be the last place i should be.  my cravings for beer and coke were extreme today.  i am very proud i did not give in. i started thinking about the blood tests and the HIV test the dr took on wednesday, and although i know I should eb clear i started bugging out about them as well.

so.. i watched tv.  man philly sucked today.  our mayor decided to give a speech about how george washington had slaves and what would they think if they knew that a woman and a black man were running for president.  what a shitty message on a positive day.  his delivery seemed angry, and innappropriate.  then we had a shitty performer (just my opinion) john legend as our main act.  he may have won a grammy, but he sucked ass.  his closing song was something like "i dont like you anymore" or some crap like that.  what a great positive message to close out july 4th.  after he was done i went outside and walked to the art museum area for the fireworks.  i found a great view on an overpass, and i stood there, in the rain, completely alone. 

and now im home.

and lonely.

very very lonely.

it hurts.  im sad.

i wish i had a wife and kids.

i wish i had a girlfriend.

i wish i had someone i could call a best friend who lived within 50 miles of me.

i wish i really had a good friend who even lived close.

im so alone tonight.